Take Your Pick

In Victoria, bicyclists abound. It's part of that whole eco-friendly-green-hippie esthetic going on here. Bah. Fine, fine, pedal for all your worth in traffic, take up all the bike lanes you can, Super Cycler. But take your frigging pick.

You can have the road or you can have the sidewalk. No. I take that back. You CANNOT have the sidewalk because it's called a sideWALK not a sideBIKE. You can choose between the road or the bike lane. Make your choice and stick with it. Otherwise, I will not be held responsible for my actions.

I can come at this from two sides: the driver and the pedestrian.

The Driver
I loathe seeing bicyclists taking up half a lane of traffic, slowing dozens of cars behind me and they're not even pedalling hard. If you pedalled like your life depended on it, I might nod sympathetically. Or when they blatantly disobey the road rules. Sure, I would love the run a red so I can turn left. Or bomb through that empty intersection at 3pm. It would make my life easier, but much more dangerous. So why do I see the fools on bikes breaking those rules? And then I hear them moan that they are vehicles, too and deserve the road just as much as anyone else. Then USE it like everyone else, douchebag.

The Pedestrian
Again with the sideWALK not sideBIKE argument. Victoria has accomodated you with bike lanes everywhere. Use them. Don't get all huffy puffy with the people using the sideWALK when they don't part like the red sea for your bike. You're in the wrong. Some sideWALKS are busy with pedestrians, old people in scooters and baby carriages. Weaving in and out of all that is impossible. Get your lazy ass on that bike and get in the bike lane where you're supposed to be.

Don't even get me going on the asshats who whiz down the crowded road, then hop on the sideWALK when there's less traffic there. That's double-dipping, road style.

Disclosure: I do not bike. I don't own one nor do I want to. The last time I was on a bike (sober) was when I was 12 and as I merrily went by, someone yelled "Hey! Where's the seat?!?!" Mortified, I jumped off, walked my bike home, never to ride again. That is, until I was 28 and coming home from a bar drunkety-drunk-drunk. I saw an unlocked bike outside the court house in Yellowknife, hopped on and pedalled like I was 10 again. The joyride ended when I hit a fence. But both times, I was NEVER on the sidewalk.

Rules Enforcingly Yours,
xoxoSallyt