Toodle-ooo

Oprah is leaving her show in 2011. And not a moment too soon, if you ask me. I loathe Oprah. She’s number one on my Celebrity Assassination List. Right before Nicolas Cage and Celine Dion.

I hate Oprah’s sense of self and how she thinks that what she thinks is what everyone else should think. That stupid “Oprah’s Favourite Things” show? Silly. Sure, she can spend $400 on a bath robe. The rest of us schlumps have to make do with our paltry $40 robes. When Gabriel Garcia Marquez’s book “Love in the Time of Cholera” was on her book list, that’s when I loaded my rifle. How dare she call him Gabby? Should we call her “Opie” or “Ra-Ra”? No, because she’d eat us alive, like she did recently with those corn dogs in Texas. And what is she doing eating corn dogs, anyway? Didn’t she not just 20 years haul a wagon’s worth of her fat onstage to celebrate her weight loss? And she unleashed Dr. Phil on the masses. For that alone she should burn in hell. Is Dr. Oz her fault, too? Come to think of it, isn't Opie responsible for the scourge that is Rachael Ray? Damn her!

I can’t go on about the many ways Oprah is a drain on our culture. Mostly because I refused to watch Oprah years ago. It was around the time she did “Beloved” and she screamed, with out-stretched arms, “I AM the beloved!!!”

So to Oprah I say this: Don’t let the door his you on the way out.

Talk Showingly Yours,

xoxoSallyS

Who's Coming?

The Company’s Coming headquarters is just around the corner from my house. Imagine my glee a few weeks back when I saw a sign outside their building advertising their annual cookbook sale. I got up early last Saturday and went. The books were on sale for 50-80% off because of scratches and dents, but the ones I picked up looked fine. Besides, I would do enough damage on my own just using them.

The warehouse was packed with books, and Jean Pare herself perched in a corner, autographing books. There were older women, women my age, strollers and old men. You could tell we all shared a love of these cookbooks and strangers consulted strangers on the value of a certain cookbook over another. It was very civilized as we got into an impromptu line and snaked around the perimeter of the warehouse, poring over stacks of books. It was bliss. I even got Mrs. Pare to sign the book of cookie recipes for my mother.

I picked up a copy of the casserole cookbook for myself. My mother had this book when we were growing up and I mocked her relentlessly for it. Some of the recipes from that book are just downright gross. Carman’s Caper is just wrong on so many levels. Hillie loved it and it remained a staple in our meal rotation for years. I had forgotten about (blocked out?) that meal until I flipped through the book and was reminded of the bland, mushy mess of Carman’s Caper. Then I flipped through the book again, looking for one of the more heinous culinary creations – Fish Stick Casserole. Rice, layered with a can of tomatoes, fish sticks and cheese on top. I hated that meal, and loathed it more whenever my mother made it, she would load a forkful into her mouth, smirk and tell me it was wonderful. Thankfully, the editors of Company’s Coming realized that dish was disgusting and edited it out of my version.

I picked up six books in total for myself, and am looking forward to next year. I saw some women with lists of books they wanted to get, and dutifully checked them off as they picked them up. Good idea. Does anyone have a cookbook they want next year? My list is being crafted…

Sauteeingly Yours,

xoxoSallyS

Sugary Shake

I am very excited. Very excited. I am doing Christmas baking this year. In the past, a few cookies and some chocolates would come out of my kitchen, but nothing much. This year, I am around family and we're not travelling, so I can bake non-stop. And I intend to do just that.

Bulk Barn is opening near my house. I am so excited and I realize that makes me a tool. But seriously, I am a whore for bulk sections. Byron can attest to that. Why would I buy my oatmeal in a bag when I can scoop my own out of a bin? Why pay for a can of cocoa when you can just refill the old one? I save pennies, people. PENNIES! The fact the Bulk Barn is opening near my house just before my Christmas baking bonanza begins makes me happier than George stories.

Well, maybe not that happy – my apologies Jane and, more importantly, George. No offense was intended.

So what am I making this year, you ask? I have been collecting recipes and ideas for weeks now. I have made list after list and revised said lists. It’s a mix of old and new recipes. Old as in coconut chocolates and whipped shortbread and ginger cookies. New as in mint chocolate wafers and mint chocolate bark. Obviously, I am a whore for the chocolate-mint combination, too.

The irony of all this hoopla on my part is that Byron lacks a sweet tooth. The man hates icing on cake. He finds sweet and sour meatballs far too sweet. He can turn away from a plate of cookies. How are we married?!?! All my teeth are sweet. So this baking bonanza I am embarking on is all for naught with him. He wants me to give it all away. I will. I have co-workers and family to give my wares to. But I have to taste everything first, you know.

Expandingly Yours,

xoxoSallyS

Digital Vomit

I posted yesterday for the first time in months. My dad got on the phone this morning with me to say he was glad I posted something. I don't know what to write these days. Life is very good. I am happier than I have been in ages, and my gripes seem silly. But if I go on about happiness, I feel like I'm bragging. And I have no life-changing experiences going on to blog about.

But this did strike me as funny. This is a comment from my last post. Megan calls it digital vomit...

Hi friend, peace...
Your blog very interesting.
If you willing visit my blog, and read my article at ****
And... if you love books, read The Holy Qur'an please...

I like books - a lot. But to pick up the Holy Qur'an for shigs is not an option. I don't read holy books for fun. Ever. Peace, friend.

Hesitatingly Yours,
xoxoSallyS

Where am I?

Edmonton is a very cosmopolitan city in many ways. Sometimes, it’s downright Hicksville. And it’s reverted to Hicksville this week now that the rodeo is in town.

At lunch, I went for a nice walk. Walking towards me, I saw a man in bright blue jeans, a big ol’ cowboy, carrying a lasso. I stared at him while we walked towards each other. There was the obligatory large belt buckle. There was a shearling vest. There was a plaid shirt. And there was a lasso. In downtown Edmonton. Among highrises and office towers. It was the most out-of-place item I could have come across at that time of day in that location. What was he roping? A lamp post? A mail box? A newspaper box? As we passed, I was still staring, so he gave me a nod of his hat and said hello. If he said “howdy”, I would have died laughing.

The rodeo also brings in a lot of oversized pick-up trucks. They are huge, loud and there are far too many fake scrotums hanging off the back ends.

The bright side of the rodeo in town is that we are allowed to wear jeans all week. It’s Rodeo Week, after all!

Howdy-dooingly Yours,
xoxoSallyS

Thank you, Sarah Palin!

I went to a media relations training course yesterday. And Sarah Palin deserves a round of applause. Her gaffes, missteps and poor behaviour on camera were used in pretty much every example of what NOT to do.

So hats off to you, Sarah P.! If you didn't hold a press conference in front of turkeys being slaughtered, or get lost in your own ideas, well, gosh darnit, I might make the same mistakes next time I talk to them pesky media folks!

Maverickly Yours,
xoxoSallyS

I'm Baaaack

Well, the move is over. Byron and I have moved back to Edmonton. I know, I didn't say much to anyone about it, for fears of jinxing. But here we are, in one piece, settling into our new place.

The move went swimmingly, until Tuesday afternoon when By got into an accident with his uncle's truck. He's fine, but the driver's door is worse for wear. And our phone was out for two days. Other than that, all is well.

I start work on Tuesday. The day we moved in here, I got the call that I got the job! Huzzah!

This move and transition has been smooth. Well, as smooth as a move can be. The loading of the truck went well, the drive over was good and we were ahead of schedule on things. There's been no major catastrophe with the new place (in suite laundry, a dishwasher, 2 bedrooms and a pantry?! I have arrived!). And the stress levels have been under control.

Byron knows that I hiss and snap when under stress, and I have tried very hard to keep the hissing to a minimum. Victory is mine! And then it hit me. The last few moves I made were under someone else's deadlines and needs. When I went to Victoria, I was given less than two weeks to end everything in Edmonton and haul ass over there. The move before that, I was in a desperate rush to get out of Yellowknife and took whatever I could get to get out. I did nothing but hiss and spit and snap during those moves. This time, it's totally different. Byron and I did this on our time table, on a schedule that suited us, and we didn't feel rushed into anything.

Go Team Stuike!

Since we've been back, things (like jobs) have fallen nicely into place. Heck - I even get my own office! Toodle-doo cubicle world!

God, I missed Edmonton.

Moving on uppingly Yours,
xoxoSallyS