Hygenist Cratchit

I went to the dentist the other day for my annual cleaning. Aren't I responsible? Except I got read the riot act for not flossing regularly. Whatevs. I have better things to do.

I have never had a problem with the dentist. I am not one to cringe and dread and make a stink about the appointment. But that may have changed after this last visit.

Since we're new to town, we had to find all those important things like doctor (check), dentist (maybe check), etc. So one day I looked up dentists that were taking new patients, and those that are in my 'hood. I found one that is less than a block from my front door. I can see her office from my balcony. An appointment was made.

As I settled into the chair, Amber cooed her way into the room. Amber had one of those squeaky-girl voices. On a woman, it does not fly, especially with me. It sounds ridiculous, and I often feel the urge to punch the squeaker in the throat. Amber liked to talk a lot. I don't mind a talking hygenist, just as long as they don't expect an answer. But Amber did. She kept asking questions, and peering over my cheek, looking for my answer.

But Amber had a know-it-all-asshole tone about her. She lectured me on flossing, then she went into how to brush, what brush to use, what toothpaste to use, how to floss (even though she didn't floss me!), the magic of Listerine, and then it went on to the physical make-up of teeth. All the while, she is flailing her hands around in the air. Not in my mouth. All the while, my jaw is flicked wide open, I am gagging on my drool, waiting for her to quit yakking about Listerine and clean my teeth! A simple cleaning took more than 45 minutes.

I have a sensitive spot on my right side, and sure enough, Amber went on at length about what causes a sensitive spot. I didn't care about the cause, just how to get rid of it. Then she nearly got her lights knocked out. Amber sprayed cold water directly on to the sensitive spot. I flinched and my fist instinctively flew into the air. I missed her cheek my a millimetre. I hate Amber.

After choking on the water Amber splashed directly down my throat, and scraping my teeth for an unbearable length of time, I started laughing. It was such an absurd visit, and everything that could hurt had happened. Then my dentist came in and told me I need to get two fillings and four sealants. Come again? It's better than having all four wisdom teeth taken at once, like last year's dentist in Edmonton wanted to do. This dentist says she'll just put a sealant on them. I don't care what she does, just as long as Amber stays the hell away from me.

Hissingly Yours,
xoxoSallyt