I had my first mammogram today.
Nothing alarming, just a baseline test so my new (and delightful) doctor knows what he's working with. I had heard horror stories and complaints about how much mammograms hurt. It wasn't so bad. But the mortification was killer! You're topless with you girl smashed out in front you, while some technician is cupping your boob. I kept chanting "she's a professional" to myself the whole time.
I started to giggle, though, as I looked down and saw my pasty white boob squashed out. And these boobs, let me tell you, when squashed out, take up a lot of space. A lot. Shockingly so. My breast looked absurd! They don't look sexy or functional or even human. They look ridiciulous.
I did meet a couple of older ladies who were there for mammograms, too. And they called me dear, and told me I was quite young for a mammogram. Bless their little souls for calling me young! Oh the Sisterhood of Squished Boobies!
Perkily Yours,
xoxoSallyt
Tuesday, February 27, 2007
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
Three Cheers for Quality Shoes!
Anyone who knows me knows that I have horrible luck with shoes. Not only are my feet big and wide like shoe boxes, I also get blisters just looking at a new pair of shoes. Flip flops, my friends, give me blisters. Now that I have put the sexy image of big, wide and blistery feet (but always with kicky nail polish, thank you) in your head, let me tell you about my new shoes!
I found a killer deal this weekend at the Nine West store. I wanted something new and dressy but not spiky heels and something in which I can navigate the streets with confidence. There they sat on the shelf, black loafers with a modest heel. When I tried them on, my boat-like feet looked tiny. The backs of the shoe did not dig into my heels. I took them immediately. Also, they were on sale at $40 instead of the usual $115, I'd be stupid not to take them!
I'm wearing them today and so far, no blisters, no crippling around, no pinched toes and gauled heels. Jubilation! Even on sale, quality shoes make the world of difference! Smell ya later, Payless!
Hip! Hip! Hooray!
xoxoSally
I found a killer deal this weekend at the Nine West store. I wanted something new and dressy but not spiky heels and something in which I can navigate the streets with confidence. There they sat on the shelf, black loafers with a modest heel. When I tried them on, my boat-like feet looked tiny. The backs of the shoe did not dig into my heels. I took them immediately. Also, they were on sale at $40 instead of the usual $115, I'd be stupid not to take them!
I'm wearing them today and so far, no blisters, no crippling around, no pinched toes and gauled heels. Jubilation! Even on sale, quality shoes make the world of difference! Smell ya later, Payless!
Hip! Hip! Hooray!
xoxoSally
Sunday, February 18, 2007
To the Fates: "Nyah, Nyah!"
For the first time since October, I went outside without my heavy winter coat, scarf, mitts, hats, and all other seasonal accountrements! What a delight! The sun hasn't warmed me since the fall. As I walked to the grocery store and back, my cheeks turned that cute red from a nippy wind instead of that raw, chapped red of a windchill. I came home and opened windows as I cleaned. My house now smells fresh and lemon-y. It feels like spring and I love it. What heaven!
Even closer to heaven is the fact my neighbours in the house next to my building are moving out...I think. I see them hauling boxes of self-declared "shit" out of their house. They're drug dealers and I am giddy at the thought of not looking out my side windows to see "popeye your dead dyke" spray painted on the side of their house. Perchance to dream.
What a red letter day!
With a spring in my step,
xoxoSallyt
Even closer to heaven is the fact my neighbours in the house next to my building are moving out...I think. I see them hauling boxes of self-declared "shit" out of their house. They're drug dealers and I am giddy at the thought of not looking out my side windows to see "popeye your dead dyke" spray painted on the side of their house. Perchance to dream.
What a red letter day!
With a spring in my step,
xoxoSallyt
Friday, February 16, 2007
The Rudest People on Earth!
It's a messy day here in Edmonton. It's warm out and the snow is melting. The streets are brown oceans of slush. And I am covered in it.
You see, I was at the bus stop this morning and several trucks splashed me and my co-riders. And they did it on purpose. I could see them coming, they inched closer to the curb and *splash*. The driving lane was at least a foot away from the curb so there was no need to come that close. I saw other drivers speed up when they saw people on the sidewalk, namely me! How hard-hearted! And they all drove trucks.
A few years back, in the spring when again, the road were slush, and I was walking to work. I'll never forget the vrooom of a big diesel truck coming up behind me and splashing me. I know for certain it was on purpose because he drove into the bus stop which was several feet off the road.. you know that dip off the road that leaves enough room for a bus to pull into. It's the length and width of one bus. I can't think of the name, I digress... But this loser sped up, roared into that ditch and soaked me! I had brown slush in my hair! And I didn't even make it into work yet!
I don't remember anything like this happening with such abandon in the other places I've lived in Canada. Only in Alberta. Is this the Alberta Advantage... living and sharing the city streets with total assholes? Assholes with small penises and big trucks? Now I'm homesick for polite drivers and clean pants.
Filthily Yours,
xoxoSallyt
You see, I was at the bus stop this morning and several trucks splashed me and my co-riders. And they did it on purpose. I could see them coming, they inched closer to the curb and *splash*. The driving lane was at least a foot away from the curb so there was no need to come that close. I saw other drivers speed up when they saw people on the sidewalk, namely me! How hard-hearted! And they all drove trucks.
A few years back, in the spring when again, the road were slush, and I was walking to work. I'll never forget the vrooom of a big diesel truck coming up behind me and splashing me. I know for certain it was on purpose because he drove into the bus stop which was several feet off the road.. you know that dip off the road that leaves enough room for a bus to pull into. It's the length and width of one bus. I can't think of the name, I digress... But this loser sped up, roared into that ditch and soaked me! I had brown slush in my hair! And I didn't even make it into work yet!
I don't remember anything like this happening with such abandon in the other places I've lived in Canada. Only in Alberta. Is this the Alberta Advantage... living and sharing the city streets with total assholes? Assholes with small penises and big trucks? Now I'm homesick for polite drivers and clean pants.
Filthily Yours,
xoxoSallyt
Thursday, February 15, 2007
Judas, Thy Name is Karim
I am no longer going to India. My heart is broken and I am sad about the failed plans. But I am most sad about being failed by a friend. Well, former friend, because this one is now dead to me.
As previously mentioned in earlier posts, I was going with a couple of friends, who also happen to be brother and sister. The brother has this on-again-off-again girlfriend who I call Snippet. Last I heard from him, they are off. I've heard nothing good about her, in fact he whines to me about how poorly she treats him. Snippet also happens to be super-jealous and gets mad at him when his mother (!) sits in the front seat and not her.
Snippet found out about his trip and that I was going. She got mad and demanded that she go, too. She hates girls, and I am pretty sure she would hate me. Which is fine, because I can guarantee I already don't like her. Snippet is going to India now, and the chump ex-pal is paying for her. My presence is no longer wanted on the trip.
He kept telling me he would work something out, I told him to work it up his arce. It would be awkward, and I can also guarantee that I would punt the Snippet into the Ganges like a seal with a beach ball if I had to spend any time with her.
The Universe has spoken. I am not going to India, and I no longer have a friend named Karim.
Sadly Yours,
xoxoSallyt
As previously mentioned in earlier posts, I was going with a couple of friends, who also happen to be brother and sister. The brother has this on-again-off-again girlfriend who I call Snippet. Last I heard from him, they are off. I've heard nothing good about her, in fact he whines to me about how poorly she treats him. Snippet also happens to be super-jealous and gets mad at him when his mother (!) sits in the front seat and not her.
Snippet found out about his trip and that I was going. She got mad and demanded that she go, too. She hates girls, and I am pretty sure she would hate me. Which is fine, because I can guarantee I already don't like her. Snippet is going to India now, and the chump ex-pal is paying for her. My presence is no longer wanted on the trip.
He kept telling me he would work something out, I told him to work it up his arce. It would be awkward, and I can also guarantee that I would punt the Snippet into the Ganges like a seal with a beach ball if I had to spend any time with her.
The Universe has spoken. I am not going to India, and I no longer have a friend named Karim.
Sadly Yours,
xoxoSallyt
Tuesday, February 13, 2007
Glittery Old Ladies
I want to be one!
I was at the bank this afternoon and I saw this old woman roll in, hanging desperately onto a Zellers shopping cart. She was sporting the most fantastic glittery glasses I have ever seen. I had to bow down to the fabulosity of them!
They were white.
They were plastic.
They were big.
They had rhinestones on the tops outer corners of them.
They looked like something Elton John would have worn in 1976.
I loved them.
I hope that when I'm old, I can be as eccentrically fabulous as that. I hope I can rock the rhinestone glasses and not give a damn who stares. I hope I can wear kicky sandals and flouncy scarves that make people wonder if I'm senile or not. Wouldn't that be fun? Which makes me wonder why I don't do that now. Oh yes, that's right! I have a job where I need to look respectable at all times. Maybe the abundance of pink in my wardrobe will hold me over until I can sport the senile-chic look.
Covetingly yous,
xoxoSallyt
I was at the bank this afternoon and I saw this old woman roll in, hanging desperately onto a Zellers shopping cart. She was sporting the most fantastic glittery glasses I have ever seen. I had to bow down to the fabulosity of them!
They were white.
They were plastic.
They were big.
They had rhinestones on the tops outer corners of them.
They looked like something Elton John would have worn in 1976.
I loved them.
I hope that when I'm old, I can be as eccentrically fabulous as that. I hope I can rock the rhinestone glasses and not give a damn who stares. I hope I can wear kicky sandals and flouncy scarves that make people wonder if I'm senile or not. Wouldn't that be fun? Which makes me wonder why I don't do that now. Oh yes, that's right! I have a job where I need to look respectable at all times. Maybe the abundance of pink in my wardrobe will hold me over until I can sport the senile-chic look.
Covetingly yous,
xoxoSallyt
Monday, February 12, 2007
India?
An opportunity presented itself this weekend that is irresistable. A friend from work called to ask me if I wanted to go to India with her and her brother in March. I'm also really good friends with the brother, who also worked with me at one point. I mentioned him in an earlier post, his departure made me sad. But I digress. The point is I was asked to go to India this spring. INDIA!
India has always fascinated me, and it's one place I would love to see before I die. Plus, these friends I would go with speak the language and are Indian in heritage. Built-in tour guides! I won't get lost or worse if I go with them! There are plans to see the Taj Mahal, and ancient Muslim shrines at Elephanta caves (look it up, fascinating!). It's such an intoxicating thought.
The plane fare is $1800, plus all my spending money. I'm looking at $25-2800. Of course, I don't have that kind of money right now. Are you on glue?!?! I have thrown it out to the Universe, and if I am meant to go, things will fall into place.
So maybe the Universe would like me to take donations. Any and all are appreciated, my beautiful friends. In return, I promise not to buy a sari and sport that bad-boy like my name is Mahatma. Nor will I get henna or a bindi. It'd be like my Indian friends going to Nova Scotia and returning with Sou'westers and kilts. Tacky.
With my eyes clinched, I pray that this plan can come through somehow. Pleasepleaseplease!!
xoxoSallyt
India has always fascinated me, and it's one place I would love to see before I die. Plus, these friends I would go with speak the language and are Indian in heritage. Built-in tour guides! I won't get lost or worse if I go with them! There are plans to see the Taj Mahal, and ancient Muslim shrines at Elephanta caves (look it up, fascinating!). It's such an intoxicating thought.
The plane fare is $1800, plus all my spending money. I'm looking at $25-2800. Of course, I don't have that kind of money right now. Are you on glue?!?! I have thrown it out to the Universe, and if I am meant to go, things will fall into place.
So maybe the Universe would like me to take donations. Any and all are appreciated, my beautiful friends. In return, I promise not to buy a sari and sport that bad-boy like my name is Mahatma. Nor will I get henna or a bindi. It'd be like my Indian friends going to Nova Scotia and returning with Sou'westers and kilts. Tacky.
With my eyes clinched, I pray that this plan can come through somehow. Pleasepleaseplease!!
xoxoSallyt
Thursday, February 8, 2007
This one's for Candie
My dearest and longest best friend, Candie, scolded me last night for not blogging more often. She says I must be bored with my blog. Au contraire, mon amie!
So I got to thinking... why do I have this blog I love so dear? Such an existential crisis!
I've had a lot on my mind lately, and while such a dilemma would warrant a blog, some of the things floating in my noggin do not warrant venting. Work has been plaguing my thoughts lately, what with all the changes and turmoil. But I will not discuss my thoughts and fears here. Especially now since my boss knows about this pretty pink thing. And my mind has been weighed down with men lately. Not that I have a boyfriend or there is a cue of suitors bombarding me with flowers and gifts, no no no! I will also never go into details like that here because my lovely mother reads this, and darling Hillie does NOT need to know.
So my best friends, Stacey and Candie, are my real live blogspots, and I tell them what's weighing me down. As for here, all the pecadillos of life will be expressed. I am not bored, Candie, I just have been to preoccupied to appreciate the pecadillos of life. I'll snap out of it soon!
By the way, for all of you who have been biting their nails to the quick about my decision on Chance or Pleasures... the jury is still out. Sit tight, my devotees, I will poo or get off the pot soon.
xoxoSallyt
So I got to thinking... why do I have this blog I love so dear? Such an existential crisis!
I've had a lot on my mind lately, and while such a dilemma would warrant a blog, some of the things floating in my noggin do not warrant venting. Work has been plaguing my thoughts lately, what with all the changes and turmoil. But I will not discuss my thoughts and fears here. Especially now since my boss knows about this pretty pink thing. And my mind has been weighed down with men lately. Not that I have a boyfriend or there is a cue of suitors bombarding me with flowers and gifts, no no no! I will also never go into details like that here because my lovely mother reads this, and darling Hillie does NOT need to know.
So my best friends, Stacey and Candie, are my real live blogspots, and I tell them what's weighing me down. As for here, all the pecadillos of life will be expressed. I am not bored, Candie, I just have been to preoccupied to appreciate the pecadillos of life. I'll snap out of it soon!
By the way, for all of you who have been biting their nails to the quick about my decision on Chance or Pleasures... the jury is still out. Sit tight, my devotees, I will poo or get off the pot soon.
xoxoSallyt
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