Fugly

Aren't you all so lucky! TWO posts in one day... I was so traumatized by my mid-day bus ride, I forgot to relay this little tale of horror.

I have noticed of late there are some men in Edmonton who go out of their way to be quirky-ugly. Qugly? No. Just plain ol' fugly. They sport ratty moustaches like Brendan Flowers, they were outrageous vests and hats. The often have a penchant for cowboy boots and strange-fitting pants. Check, check, and check! This guy today had it all.

We hopped off the bus at the same time, and as he sauntered up behind me, I could hear the clack-clack-clack of his boots. I am pretty sure they were second hand, and I would bet a bottle of Fresca they were too big. He wore a super tight black tank top under an even tighter gray pleather vest. His pants were a miracle of science. I think he jumped from the 10th floor into them, they were so tight! They were also a purplish hue. And they were Mom Jeans. No pleats, thank god, but they were Mom Jeans nonetheless. They gave him hips! And his ass was huge in them. Oh, don;t forget, he had a thin, white belt on. I couldn't help but stare! But I figure these guys dress so outrageously just to stand out and get stared at. He succeeded.

When I see these guys, I play out a little scenario of their Alberta-bred pappies clapping eyes on them when they return to Stettler on spring break. Their fathers would be heartbroken to see their son strut around town with ironic fringed vests and tight jeans. Pappy would sit on the edge of the bed at night, distraught that Junior would come home from his learnin' all citified and fruity. Pappy would cradle an 8x10 of Junior in his rodeo gear, wondering where he went wrong. When I think of that mini-drame in my head, those hipsters in their hip-creating jeans look even more foolish.

Cattily Yours,
xoxoSallyt