OCD or Just Anal

I leave tomorrow morning for Abu Dhabi. And today, I have a million things to do. So many, in fact, that I an overwhelmed and writing this instead of taking care of business. Hillie would be so mad.

So I made a list. Actually, I make lists all the time. For everything. Things to do, things to get, CDs I want, books I want, boys I like, and tasks to accomplish. So of course I have several lists on the go for this trip. Clothes to pack, shoes to pack, toiletries to pack, a list for the checked-in luggage, another one for my carry-on, household tasks to take care of, trinkets and gifts to bring with me; there are literally dozens of lists fluttering around my home this morning.

I have accomplished several items on my task list already. Now I must run to the gym and go exchange some money. What a sense of relief to cross out a line on my to-do list. I still feel like I'm missing someting. Perhaps if I give in totally to my OCD, I'll lick a few doorknobs and pull a few hairs for good measure.

Busily Yours,
xoxoSally
(PS: For the record, I do not lick door knobs or pull hair. Please don't report me. Smooches!)

In the Ghetto

I had to kick a crack whore out of my apartment's foyer last night. I came home and she was perched on the ground, sans shoes, digging in her purse. I asked if she was waiting for someone and she looked up at me with glazed and unfocussed eyes and mumbled something incoherent. I went inside my home and tried to get her face out of my head. But then I got mad.

Hells bells! I am not having a crack whore smoke up in my home! I was about get all indignant and bitchy to her as I hustled her out the door, then I stopped. She's someone's daughter, I reminded myself. I work at a social services agency, and my colleagues help women like her all the time. So I was nicer. As I went down the steps I saw her hauling on a crack pipe. I went down and told her the landlord is on his way and if he finds her, he's calling the cops (I did no such thing). She packed up her bag and scurried off into the streets.

I live in a somewhat sketchy part of town, if you haven't guessed already from previous posts. But the 'hood is getting better. More people like me (read: employed and can pay rent) are moving in and a lot of the scummy apartments are being cleaned up and turned into condos. It's going to get better and safer.

It's just sad to see things like that. One Sunday morning last summer, I whizzed open my blinds to see a woman in the dumpster. She was looking for clothes and food. She was younger than my baby brother, but looked as old as my parents. It's a sad state of affairs, and I am trying not to get all NIMBY on the sitch. After all, these girls were someone's baby at some point.

Yours,
xoxoSally

Introducing... Sadness

I just read the Rheostatics are disbanding. They are hands down one of my favourite bands. Their 1993 album, "Whale Music", would be one of my desert island discs. I love them live, I love them on my stereo, I love them period. I have a serious crush on Martin Tielli. I have seen them live several times. I have run across a coffee shop I once worked at to tell the bassist, Tim Vessely, I loved his music. "Shaved Head" breaks my heart every time I hear it. To me, the Rheostatics are the quintessential Canadian band. Their soaring melodies and intricate lyrics embody this country.

And if you have no idea who or what I have just raved about, please look it up. Trust my, sweet friends, you will fall in love, too.

I need to go home and soothe myself with the Rheostatics.

Distraughtingly Yours,
xoxoSallyt

"I wanna checka you unda-pant!"

I live next to a corner store run by a Chinese couple. The woman is very nice, even though she is there every single day. Whenever I go in, she makes small talk with me, usually telling me how "code" it is outside. Lately she's been complaining about the kids coming in and stealing. Last week, she ranted like a loon to me about kids gypping her out of 14 cents. But today took the biscuit.

I was walking up my street, when I saw a gaggle of people on the sidewalk ahead of me. I realized it was the tiny Chinese lady confronting the teenagers she thought stole from her. They were just kids, albeit the kind that look like they know already what jail looks like. Little Chinese Lady was fighting with one girl in particular. The girl had a puffy jacket and white track pants on. The Chinese lady was yelling that she has things in her pants. The kids yelled back. Then the Chinese lady yells "I wanna checka you unda-pant!" Such passion over a freezie, or bag of chips. Chinese Lady is thinking though, by keeping the big ticket items like crack pipes and bongs and pictures of holographic waterfalls behind the counter. I kid you not - I can buy a crack pipe with my diet pepsi at my corner store.

Right about now, I should hear Elvis' "In the Ghetto". It plays in my mind as I walk around my 'hood anyway.

Thuggily Yours,
xoxoSally

Sweet Jesus

I leave for Abu Dhabi in a week, and I am sick. Not the sniffles or a tummy ache, but the flu. I am dizzy as a bat and climbing into bed is a chore when your legs feel like cement. I don't even have an appetite, which is the clearest sign I am not well. I went home yesterday and crawled from my bed to couch all afternoon. Dammit!

I couldn't even go to Story Slam last night, which I love going to and reading at. On Story Slam days (3rd Wednesday of every month), I usually write my story to read that night on my lunch break. I have an idea or two floating in my head, and the first paragraph comes to me as I walk around town. But yesterday, I was a mess and couldn't write my own name, let alone a short story! As I lay in bed shivering, my heart was at Story Slam. I'm also starting a Writers Circle with some other writers from there.

This better clear up before I fly out next week. You hear me, flu bugs!? You have seven days to shape up and ship out. You are NOT coming to Abu Dhabi with me!

Phlegmingly Yours,
xoxoSallyt

The Stand Up Artist

I was stood up for a casino this weekend. A CASINO!!! I was supposed to go to dinner on Saturday night with someone I dated for the briefest moments of time, and I was really looking forward to it. At 8pm, dizzy as a bat from hunger, I called him to see what's going on. As soon as he answered, I could tell he was distracted. He was at the Casino. He said he'd call later and he never did.

That was the second time that day I was stood up. A friend from work was supposed to come by and fix my computer. But he "got a better offer" (his words, I swear) and didn't come at all. I am paying mondo bucks tonight to have a professional come to my home and fix my computer.

What is it about me that screams "stand me up!"? Do my pheromones tell others that I love making plans with someone only to be ignored at our meeting time? What gives?!?! I cannot tell you how many times in recent months I have been stood up. It's a shocking number for one person to endure. It's disheartening and defeating, and I am this close to declaring hermit status.

Do I smell? Am I mean? Am I socially retarded? WHAT is it about me that attracts people who are stander-uppers!?! I am at a loss...

I am Lonely,
xoxoSallyt

I am Jealous, but also in Awe

I love Radar magazine. I mourned the day they announced they were folding. I squealed with glee when they brought out the online version. I did a High Kick of Happiness (TM) when I read they were publishing again. The magazine is smart, fresh and incredibly funny.

Yet I am jealous.

I love to read the Review section online every morning. There is some facet of pop culture that a writer takes on. It might be a new singer, an old singer, khaki pants, a tv show, or, in today's case, a video game. As I read, I hear my own voice in those words. And on the mornings when I giggle at the Review, I also rage inside. I wonder why I'm not doing that for a living. To get paid to write about the insane and silly world of pop culture for a living, SHUT UP! That is a fantasy of mine. I could do it. I know I could.

I suppose I could use this blog for my own little Radar Reviews. But that is so overdone, in my opinion. Plus, I wouldn't be getting paid like I would if I wrote for Radar. Perhaps if I label this post as "Radar Magazine" and "jobs", some angel of mercy will find me. Or maybe I should stop whinging about it and submit myself to an editor. I have ideas, yes I do, I just need to share them with someone other than the five people who know about this blog.

Covetingly Yours,
xoxoSally

I am a drooling fool

How I manage to survive in the world of computers is beyond me. How I can be 31 years old and be so shaky with software and gadgets and technical stuff is absurd! Text messaging? Pfft! You got me! I just got an mp3, and I love it, but know the very basics on how to use it. I don't have a cell phone, I have basic cable, I just got a DVD player, and the computer I just got came second-hand (I love it, Stace, and thank you for it!). I am not a techincal gal.

So what made me think I could fix my own computer?

It went on the fritz on Saturday. I couldn't turn it on and it just kept rebooting with the same message... I could choose Safe Mode, Last Good Configuration, or Start Windows. I tried all of them but with no luck. I patiently waited until a computer whiz I share my office with once a week came in yesterday. He suggested I had to fix it from a disc. So I ran home, found the stack of discs that Stace sent with the computer and flicked the one I saw that said "Repair"into the machine. It was sitting right next to the handbook with "Installing Windows XP" on it. I clicked a few times, hit enter and ta-da! I erased my computer. When the time came to install the Windows disc, I searched fruitlessly for it. I erased my computer without having the right disc to get it all back. DAMMIT!

Shitballs! Do I have to go out and buy Windows XP? And then how do I get what's in the box into my computer? I wish I had a brainy boyfriend (or a friend) to do this for me. While he's fixing my computer, I could fix him a lovely meal.

I just want my Limewire, my MSN Messenger, and my email back again! Is that so much to ask!

Stupidly Yours,
xoxoSallyt

Couldn't Come at a Better Time

I have a vacation coming up soon. On March 29th, I'm flying over to Abu Dhabi to visit my sister and brother-in-law for 2 1/2 weeks. It cannot be coming at a better time.

My life feels in flux at the moment. My head is fuzzy with deadlines, needs, commitments, and uncertainties. A potent cocktail. I have the ever-nagging feeling that something has to give soon, that life as I know it cannot chug along the way it has lately. I am hoping that time away will clear those feelings and I will come back refreshed, with clear head and a clear conscience, ready to tackle the next phase.

For now, though, I need a good cry and a hug.
xoxoSallyt

Anger Management

I have an anger issue. I will get angry at something or someone, and instead of letting it out I will rage and seethe to myself for hours, days, weeks! If I am mad at someone, I will not talk to them but let rage boil in my guts. I fantasize about all the things I want to tell them, and I usually cry while doing so. Either my rage dissipates and turns into ennui for that person, or I walk away. I have ruined friendships, relationships, and working partnerships with this behaviour. It's not healthy and I know it! I want it to stop, but what leap to take - from seething in my wretched head, to letting someone know they've hurt me. But it's a step that's coming soon.

My mother acts the same way and I learned all her good seething tricks. I can slam a cupboard door with the best of them. I can give someone the silent treatment like no one else. I grew up hating her seething rages. I hated knowing she was angry about something, and I always thought I did something to make her rage yet again. I hated her behaviour when I was a child, yet I cannot stop myself now as an adult. But I am trying.

Ironically enough, when someone else around is mad and I can sense their seething rage, I wish they would just let it out and get it over with. I am seething right now and full of rage about something I can easily heal by letting it out and getting it over with. Is this the big step? God, I hope so.

Grringly Yours,
xoxoSallyt

The Agony and the Ecstacy

I have to get my wisdom teeth out! I went to the dentsit today and he sees decay (ick and eww) in my wisdom teeth and I have to get them pulled this summer. I have heard nothing but horror stories about getting these teeth pulled! At least I can look forward to being stoned legally. Hazy summer, indeed.

I saw Rod Stewart last night and loved it! I burst out hysterically laughing at times, though. He can be a shade ridiculous. He had this mini-film called "The Rodfather" before the show started. Tears streamed down my face from laughing. And I quote... "One man had the choice between kicking balls or kicking ass". I kid you not. For some reason, he felt the need to lay on the stage at one point (he is 62, after all) and when he sat up, his hair, never the pinnacle of tidiness, was stuck straight in the air. But the "Do Ya Think I'm Sexy" number was nearly the death of me. At least he had the graciousness to segue into the song by saying it was time for the absurd. There were Rod Stewart thongs for sale.

Sexily Yours,
xoxoSally

Do not loosen up your buttons, Hoochie!

Are they effing with me? Are they effing with the world in general? WHY are the Pussycat Dolls having a reality show to find a new Doll? What's that pounding noise I hear? Why yes, it is the the Seven Horsemen of the Apocalypse.

The show is airing on MuchMusic this week and you KNOW I will be watching it. If only for the chance to feel smug for being a normal woman who does not hump chairs and the air recklessly in my bra and panties. You should all thank me for that, by the way.

The reviews I have read on this trash have not been kind. Quoi? Je me shocque! As if this show will be groundbreaking and critically acclaimed! It's just a vehicle for 13 year old boys to further explore their newfound woodies, and misguided little girls to start acting all sexed up. The piece de resistance is that the PCDs like to tell us they are promoting "confidence" and "feminism" and "girl power". If feminism means squat dancing and slapping my own ass, then I politely decline.

Little girls these days haven't got a chance...

Sadly Yours,
xoxoSallyt

Every Little Thing (S)He Does is Magic

Gorgeous Glen...

I got an excitable phone call yesterday morning from Gorgeous Glen, telling me he got us tickets for the Police! Yipee! AND the tickets are floor seats. Bravo, Glen! Bravo.

I love the Police, but probably not as much as Gorgeous. Years ago, while I was at the Baptist College, I had joined that Columbia House CD scam. (I was 19, back off!) In the mail one day, I got the Police's Greatest Hits. I was thrilled and couldn't wait to hear it. But I was mocked relentlessly for it. I felt shame for loving Wrapped Around Your Finger. So I sent it back, red-faced. Stupid!

Forget those fools who don't realize brilliant music when they hear it! I am seeing the Police! And I will dance and sing and try not to crawl to the front to hump Sting's leg.

Thank you, Glen. The gin is chilling as we speak.

Lovingly Yours,
xoxoSallyt

Take My Breath Away

I've had this happen for a while, and it just happened again. I think I saw someone I once knew well. Since moving to Edmonton more than a year ago, there have been many times where I think I saw someone who once meant a lot to me. It takes my breath away. And then I realize it's not them. One of them was a giant mistake, and the other one is my kryptonite. I knew both of them in Yellowknife. The mistake lives in Edmonton and the kryptonite moved to Edmonton the same time I did.

It happens like this... I'll be walking down the street, or on the bus, or (in the most recent case, and the inspiration for this post) sitting in my corner office looking out the window, and I'll see a man who looks just like one of the aforementioned. I gasp, do a double take, stare very creepily, and realize that it is not, in fact, the man who broke my heart.

The mistake was just that... a giant mistake. He decorated his own leather coat for god's sake, what was I thinking!? The kryptonite turned me into mush everytime I was near him. I lost all sense and sensibility around him and usually made a fool of myself.

Sometimes I wish I could run into both of them, confront the ghost of men past and move on. But knowing my luck, I would do so on the day I looked like a hairball. I would take a deep breath and walk away.

Heart-breakingly Yours,
xoxoSallyt

Maggie May

I have free tickets to the Rod Stewart concert on Tuesday night. And I love Rod Stewart! "You're In My Heart"? Bring it. "Reason to Believe"? Can't get enough.

Earlier this afternoon, the Canadian Breast Cancer Foundation emailed all their volunteers and offered these tickets on a first come first served basis. I stuck my hand up and bam! I got the tickets! And to think, I wrote a scathing note to them after the Run for the Cure, scolding them for not having t-shirts bigger than large, and being unorganized. Ha!

Candie Maybelline, eat your heart out!

Singingly Yours,
xoxoSallyt