Anger Management

I have an anger issue. I will get angry at something or someone, and instead of letting it out I will rage and seethe to myself for hours, days, weeks! If I am mad at someone, I will not talk to them but let rage boil in my guts. I fantasize about all the things I want to tell them, and I usually cry while doing so. Either my rage dissipates and turns into ennui for that person, or I walk away. I have ruined friendships, relationships, and working partnerships with this behaviour. It's not healthy and I know it! I want it to stop, but what leap to take - from seething in my wretched head, to letting someone know they've hurt me. But it's a step that's coming soon.

My mother acts the same way and I learned all her good seething tricks. I can slam a cupboard door with the best of them. I can give someone the silent treatment like no one else. I grew up hating her seething rages. I hated knowing she was angry about something, and I always thought I did something to make her rage yet again. I hated her behaviour when I was a child, yet I cannot stop myself now as an adult. But I am trying.

Ironically enough, when someone else around is mad and I can sense their seething rage, I wish they would just let it out and get it over with. I am seething right now and full of rage about something I can easily heal by letting it out and getting it over with. Is this the big step? God, I hope so.

Grringly Yours,
xoxoSallyt